"Messiahmas" =)

This is the first Christmas I have spent with a family other than my family.

It is always difficult to be apart from the ones you love. Change is difficult, but it is good, and though the familiarity of tradition is far from me, I have learned to soak up this change as much as I can.

I leave for Egypt in two days. The reality of it has not hit me yet, and I suppose it won't until I am on the plane crossing the seas.

awesome.

Side note: This has been the first Christmas I have had that has not felt like Christmas. I suppose it is all this change, but maybe seasons are changing. Maybe God is doing something much greater that I could ever imagine in the spiritual realm. Either way, I am ready to shake this feeling that has plagued me for months. I am ready to fly, fly freely. I am ready to breathe, and breathe deeply. But mostly I am ready to love and love passionately. We all need love. We need love in all shapes and forms. The most difficult part is waiting for that significant love that is only expressed through the bonds of marriage. It seems foolish, especially when those who know Jesus, KNOW that He is the ONLY one we really ever need. Even so, I know that God knows that no one wants to be alone, and He does have someone specifically made for each on of His children. I just pray that who-ever that may be .... will come soon.

Anyways.....
This day is a day to celebrate the birth of Jesus. He is alive and if it were not for Him we would have no Christmas. I wish I could have a Christmas with just family without the nuisance of gifts. They are gross, and so temporal. I am tired of things.... I am tired of money. It is about Jesus therefore it is about relationship. It is about sharing that relationship with others and sharing the love that Christ has so freely given us. That in itself is enough to satisfy every single inch of me. I choose to love and love deeply. I choose to express love through relationship and through action. I just want YOU to know that I love YOU. And for those who read this. Let's have coffee. Let's share love. Let's live in the freedom of Christ together.



Merry Messiahmas!

Reality Check

Last week, a friend of mine died.

It was painful. unexpected. A life short-lived.

Why?


Questions plague my mind and yet my prayers continually revolve around lessons.


This life is so short. We are not promised tomorrow.

What our we doing in our lives to glorify our Heavenly Father? For after the last breath we take, we come face to face with our Maker.

Did we live our lives to glorify His Son Jesus?


Did I give my all to Him or did I wander aimlessly in this temporal world. Did I seek the pleasure of man or did I seek the pleasure of God?

Did I love the way Jesus loves me and did I surrender everything I could possibly surrender to Him?


I don't want to answer incorrectly to those questions.


I do not want to form to the pattern of this world. I want my heart, soul, spirit and mind to be consumed by my Father in the Heaven.




Father,
Forgive me for all of the times I placed You to the back burner. I desire You and You alone. I desire to glorify you with every breath You give me for I know that each one is a gift from You. I thank You that for working all things for Your good. You have a greater plan for all things, and though I may not understand I know Your plan is perfect and I know You are a God who never changes. Daddy, make me a warrior for Your Kingdom, help me to stand strong and fight the good fight, as I run towards Your arms, and towards Your infinite heart. You are always good, even in the dark times. You are Mighty even when the world is crumbling. I love You and I desire Your will and Your purpose to be fulfilled in this life. This life is not my own, it is Yours alone, and Father I ask You to consume every single part of me.
Please be with Dustin's family during this heart wrenching time. Send Your Holy Spirit down to comfort them and to lead them down the path of everlasting life. I love You Daddy, and I know that You hear the cries of Your people.
Thank You!
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

Let the Wind blow....

As I reflect on this past year and half with God, I can say I am truly blessed.

I am blessed that my Father has pursued after me relentlessly. I am blessed that through identifying with His Son Jesus, I can know him intimately.

I am in love with Abba.


This desire has thickened through being called insane, through others having pre-conceived notions, and through being mocked.

I have received just a glimpse of what was like to be in Jesus' shoes. I am blessed.


Jesus was mocked. Jesus was called demon-possessed. Jesus was thought of as crazy for raising people from the dead, from casting out demons in people, and from sitting and eating with the tax collectors and prostitutes. WoW.
In fact , the very demonstration of Lazarus' resurrection is what led to Jesus' arrest.

People hate this God. People mock this Christ that shines through his true followers daily, and is mocked by those who claim to be brothers and sisters in Him. Jesus said we would do even greater wonders than He did and that those who walked in that type of surrender would be persecuted.

And guess what? It is true.

The same Holy Spirit that raised Christ from the dead can live in every believer. And that same power that anointed Jesus to cast out demons, resurrect people from the dead, heal people ,etc.,etc.. is waiting to consume these sinful bodies.

The third of the Trinity is so forgotten. He is pushed to the side because He cannot be put in a box. He cannot fit into the intellectual mind of a theologian or your ordained pastor who was taught a lot of man-made theology and so forth. The Holy Spirit is ignored in the church of compromise. What a pity.


Truthfully,
The God of the universe who spoke the earth into being can do what He wants. The heart of the matter is are we going to allow Him to do what He wants with us even if we don't necessarily understand it. I want that. I desire that daily. I want God to do what He wants with me so Christ may be glorified. I want to make God smile with every detail of the life He has given me.


Do not be so misled to think that those were only for the days of Jesus or only for certain people. It is for every single individual on this planet.


I am in love with Jesus Christ, and if I am mocked for allowing the Holy Spirit to have His way in me. So be it.

To identify with Jesus Christ, is to face persecution and opposition. One who claims to be a follower of Jesus and has no opposition or trial I question that relationship.


Know Jesus, Know Him intimately, Allow Him to have His way.

Don't sugar coat the Christ who suffered and endured wrath for every individual on the planet.

We are here to make God smile, to glorify His Son Jesus; not to please people or make them happy, and never to compromise the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Galatians 1: 6-10
"I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called by the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel-which is really no gospel at all. Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ. But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let him be eternally condemned. Ae we have already said, so now I say again: If anybody is preaching to you another gospel other than what you accepted, let him be eternally condemned.
Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Jesus Christ."


Matthew 5:11-12

"Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all of kinds of evil against you falsely on My account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in Heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you."



Father,
I thank You for Your Word that is all inspired from Your Holy Spirit. I thank You for being Truth. I thank You for being Life. You are Majestic, and You are Mighty Father. I thank You for sending Jesus to die for us. We are so undeserving, but You chose to love us anyway. Abba, I ask that You would bring back Your people to the foundations of Your Son Jesus. Christ is the ONLY Solid Rock, on which we can firmly stand upon. I ask Father, that would pierce the hearts of people around the world, convict them , and bring them to You God. Pour out your Holy Spirit all over the nations, and all over the campus of Wingate. We need You, Lord. Your faithful servants are crying out for You. Hear our cries, O Lord.
I love You and I thank You for all that You do,
In Jesus' name,
Amen

Love.

The God of the universe loves me.

He chooses to love this insignificant individual and birth significance through life in Jesus Christ.


As I sit here trying to accomplish a paper about "selfish love", I find myself more intrigued by the Love of my Heavenly Father.


School is beginning to fade, and my heart's desire to move forward and be completely saturated in the presence of God is overflowing.


Friday, please hurry.


I need a long date with my True Love. <3

New Season= Changes.

"Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage." Galatians 5:1



God is reall big.

God is over the universe which means our minds cannot wrap around how infinite He is.

God is up to something. I am reall excited.


This week I have been humbled. I have watched the words of the Father sink deep into the hearts of eight individuals and I cannot be more thankful. I have seen the Father move in the lives of these people to the point of weeping. It is only the power of God that can bring forth such tears. The God of the universe is beckoning our hearts towards His and He wants to set us free. He wants to set us free from every dark place that separates us from Him. He will do it, but we have to let Him.


The enemy is doing everything in his power to separate us from our Heavenly Father. The enemy wants us to have an identity crisis. he wants us to be so lost in this world, that we come to a place of uncertainty of who God is. What a dangerous place to be.

The enemy wants us to put our identity in everything but Jesus Christ. he uses people, things, , approval, theology, religion, drugs, sex, alcohol, etc etc.... to separate us from Jesus Christ. When we find ourselves at this point, we have a deep crisis. Our identity is lost and we are certain of nothing. Our lives become unstable and we become people who change on an hourly basis for the worst.

But I am certain that if Christ is Lord over our lives and we have surrendered wholly to Him we can live in freedom. We are free from bondage and He throws all of the distractions that try to hinder us from Him to the pits of hell. Christ Jesus has come to set us free. He has come to give us true identity.


My heart's cry is for those who think they are okay, but are in need of an identity check. My heart cries out for those who are in deep bondage from the things of this world. My heart cries for the false teachers who are leading various lives astray. Every heart is in need of the only Redeemer, Jesus Christ. There is no man, no thing, no idol that can save us. Our lives are not transformed until we come to complete surrender to Jesus Christ. The world fades. People fade. People are distorted. Jesus Christ is the only certainty of the universe. My prayer is that He will heavily manifest in the hearts of the people on my campus. I pray that the Holy Spirit will reign over this place and bring people to His heart. There is going to be a mighty change on this campus. I feel it. I believe it. I expect it. The God of the universe is beckoning our hearts... will we take action?

hmmm.

God is good.

God is doing amazing things.

God is pouring out His Holy Spirit and lives are being transformed.

YaY.

I truly believe that revival has already begun.

We are only in the first couple of weeks of school and lives are being transformed by the love of Jesus.


This is going to be a year of mighty moves from God.




Daddy,
I want to thank You so much for reviving my soul tonight. Thank You for speaking to me and being faithful to Your word. Thank You for YWAM and thank You for the people on campus who are being obedient to the call of which You have placed upon their hearts. I ask You Lord to help us live out what we know of You. Let us not be afraid to get out of comfort zones. Let us not be afraid or too prideful to love unconditionally. Let us pray for our enemies. Let us forgive those who have done us wrong. Father, I ask that Your Holy Spirit would have His way on this campus. That You would work in mighty ways and that this whole campus would be turned upside down for You! Let us put away the old and put on the new. Help us to put away all of our fleshly ways so Your Son may shine brightly through us.
I ask again that Your Holy Spirit would be poured out on this campus and transform lives, Lord. Let nothing hold us back from You and help us to press onward towards the trying and difficult race of life in You.
I love You so much and I ask all of this in Jesus' name! :)

Bliss.

My heart is full of love.
The walls are finally breaking
The peace is returning from His Holy Spirit above.
I often wondered if it would ever return.
But love is here. It is here!
And its wonderful bliss now must stay.







Daddy,
Thank You for Your healing touch. You come just in time. My heart was faint, but You have filled it will Your joy that only comes from above. You are wonderful. Your plan is perfect and it always prevails. Thank You for Your faithfulness Lord! Thank You for never giving up on Your people. Thank You for choosing to love us even though You didn't need us, Father. You are an Awesome, Mighty, Wonderful Daddy and I give You all the praise and glory for every detail in my life!
Help me to pour out into others what You have poured into me!!!
I love You so much and I ask all of this in Your Son's most precious Name!
Amen!

His Want. Our Greatest Need.

There are often times I happen to listen in on conversations in coffee shops or in airports or restaurants or where-ever....


I hear many conversations that are based on God. Whether it be good or bad, religion wins majority rule in the topic of conversation whether people like it or not.


One statement that I am often dumbfounded by is well isn't amazing that "God needs me."

My inner reaction is Are. You. seriously. SERIOUS?


The thought that God needs us can be compared to Oprah's distorted thought on "God is jealous of us." ( This out of context statement is what apparently made her fall away from Christianity).


I am simply amazed by little lies that people can believe as truths. What amazes me even more is the fact that thousands of people are misled by little lies everyday.


Now it is time for some absolute facts.

#1: The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit have always been in the PERFECT relationship with one another. Perfection is never in need of anything. Perfection needs nothing else in life because there is no void to fill. From perfection can only come want. The union of the Trinity is and will always be perfection. Nothing can come between it plain and simple.

#2: God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah. God flooded the earth because of imperfection and depravity. If God truly needed humanity, why would he kill so many people?

#3: Why then? Why would God create us? Because He wanted to. God creates because of His character. He is love. He saw the creation was good. He wanted to exhibit is love to something, to someone. We were created because He wanted to create us. He wanted to love us. He wanted to display His character and His love toward us, not because He needs us by any means. How selfish and prideful have we become to think that the God of the universe needs us? Really?

#4: The ugly truth is that we are disgusting, depraved beings in need of a Saviour, and because God is perfect and His glory is beyond anything we could ever imagine He had to send Jesus. He had to send a human... to get on our level and yet still be perfect and blameless to pay the price for our disgusting and fallen nature. That is no where close to need. Perfection is not in need of us. He wants us. He chose us. He had/has a grandeur plan, and it is all about Jesus.

#6: We are so in need. We are desperate for a Saviour. We broken, distorted people are in great need for the God of this universe to make us whole. God does everything for His glory. We are made to bring glory to Him. We are made to be His yielded vessels, to be His faithful and humble servants. The word Christian can be also defined as Christ-like, or a little Christ. It is not about us. It is all about God and His Son. We are just broken, nasty, people who thankfully and humbly are able to receive the gift that God has freely given to each of us who take it. WOW.

#7: We are here not to bring glory to ourselves. Not to fulfill our own wishes and desires. We are here to lose our lives to gain life. We are here to live of a life like Jesus. We are here to rid ourselves of all worldly desires and to obtain the fullness of God through His Holy Spirit. May we know that He wants us because He chose us not because He needs us. May we know that our greatest need in life is Our heavenly Father who desires for each of us to encounter Him and His love.

don't....

I am struggling. I'm torn. I'm broken. I haven't had a decent nights rest since returning to Steamboat.


I don't understand God. His ways are wayy above our ways. I don't understand why He chooses the paths He chooses for His servants.. or why things happen the way they do.


My heart is screaming for new things.. for new depth... for a new journey.

This desert season is weighing in heavily on me, but I am hanging on and trusting that though sometimes we must go through the dark valley... we eventually climb the hill where there is Light. Or understanding... Or clarity..Something reassuring us that God is there.


I feel as though as I have been on a sickening roller coaster ride... the ones that really want to make you puke.

My heart is pulled in so many directions at this point. I'm not ready to return to school. I want to stay in Steamboat, but the other half of me wants to be in Dunn. I want to ultimately do the Father's will, but am not exactly sure what that is right now.


I know in my mind and heart that through the desert, through the times of wondering where in the world God is, He is there. And though many obstacles await, He promises to never leave us or forsake me. He promises to go before me and to fight my battles when I longer have the strength to go on.God is never one to change though my heart and mind is constantly waivering.

I know these things all too well for He has been with me through the darkest times. I have felt His peace surround me heavily in the midst of chaos. I know He is faithful even when I can't feel Him there. And when I am about to give up or when I have had enough.. He shows up because He is God and He is faithful.


Daddy,
Forgive me. I do not deserve Your love. Thank you for loving me in the midst of my uncertainty. I ask Father that You would direct my footsteps and take all of me so that I may glorify You in all that I do. Help me to understand the things I cannot change, and help me love those that I have a hard time loving. I need You. I can not run this race without You. I ask for a hedge of protection as I enter into campus of Wingate. I know You are faithful and that You will give me the strength and wisdom to endure. I ask Daddy that You would show me the ways I can serve my campus and spread the Your Love to everyone that I cross paths with.
I thank You so much for hearing my heart's cry and that You remain faithful at all times. I love You.
I ask all of these things in Your Son's most precious Name,

Amen

s t r e t c h

Since I have returned from YWAM I have been praying heavily about the next season of my life.

I have yearned to hear clearly from the Lord and I know He is listening, but I do believe this is stretch point. This is the season where I am leaning heavily on Him and trusting that the next steps I take will be in His will.


Last year was difficult and I have realized that being a true disciple of Christ is not easy. Yesterday my Steamboat pastor preached on the crowds who followed Christ and the crowds that followed Christ.

He pointed out something brilliant that I have never noticed before. When Christ would perform great miracles, large amount of people would show up and they would be rooting and wooting for Him. But when Christ would bring a heavy duty sermon like losing your life to gain life... everyone would disappear.


How many people in church hang from miracle to miracle, do to do, want to want expecting God to give all of these things to them when that isn't the point at all.

To be a true disciple of Jesus requires obedience and sacrifice. These things are the most trying and stretching requirements to be a disciple. It isn't easy. Jesus never had it easy, but to be in perfect communion with the heavenly Father made it worth it all. To know the love and peace the passes all understanding, to know that there is a Father so jealous for us... He will never relent until He has all of us.
We are so unworthy, and yet God sent Jesus, the Perfect One, to die in our place. The Father saw potential in us and He wanted to put us in right standing with Him. WOW!


So many times I am guilty. I want it easy. I don't want it to hurt. I want to run from the obstacles and take a route that is simple where I never have to face heartache or brokeness. But it is where I am in that broken, helpless state that Jesus comes in and we begin to overflow. We begin to be the living sacrifice that Jesus has called to be.

A disciple faces great hardship,persecution, heartache, and so many more battles, but there is a joy. The joy of the Lord that is our strength and our comfort. In knowing that in the midst of those times, the outcome is so worth it. That is why Paul was able to go to hell and back and still have the joy of the Lord. He knew that in order to truly identify with Christ that he would have to suffer. That is what a true Christian/disciple looks like.


We lose our lives so that we main gain life in Jesus. We suffer because Jesus suffered. We idenitfy when we choose to die to self and are willing to surrender everything that we are to Him.

I don't want to be with the crowd that were just there to see what they can get out of Jesus. I want to be a true follower of Christ willing to go to the darkest places of the world to bring His light even if it causes suffering or great hardship.


Dear Father,
Forgive me for wanting it so easy. Forgive me for wanting to go on the road often travelled. I want to be wholly surrendered to You. I want Your will not my own. You know what's best for me even when I think it is wrong. Give me strength to endure this year and to keep my eyes focused upon You, Lord. Thank you for calling me Your daugther, Your beloved. Thank You for loving me when often times I know I can be unlovable. Put in me a clean heart and break my heart for the things that break Yours. I am nothing without You. I especially want to pray for Your bride today, Lord. I pray the veil would be lifted and that the bride would see what is means to truly follow You. I pray Father that You would forgive us and that You would be merciful upon this generation. I pray Father that You would raise up Elisha's in our generation that would carry the double portion to bring people closer to You. We need You, Lord.

I love You so much and thank You for all that You are going to do!
In Your Son's most precious name,
Amen!

It's been awhile....

Soo.. it has been a long while since I have posted on here. A ton of things have been going on and I have hardly had time to do sort through any thoughts.

Tomorrow I leave for YWAM and so many emotions are running through my heart. It's difficult to leave the ones I love, but I know that God will be with me every step of the way. I'm nervous. I'm anxious. I'm ready. I'm not ready. I have not a clue what to expect, but I am hoping more than anything God will reveal Himself to me in a new way.

I am longing to be close to the Father. I need to hear His voice; I need direction. I feel like I'm in a desert and I cannot get out.

Brooke Fraser sings what I am feeling best.





Daddy,
I pray that as I go on these new ventures with YWAM You would hear my cries, and be near. Direct, lead , and guide me as I journey to draw closer to You and serve as You would have me to do. I love You and I thank You for everything You have done.

My. life. is. in. a. suitcase.

My heart as of right now, this second.

Tunnels, Lights, & Such.

I truly believe that this summer can be summed up as a light at the end of a really dark tunnel.

This summer is going tremendously well and this makes me happy.


#1: Jesus is so faithful and I fall in love with Him more and more each day.

#2: There is another special person in my life that I can not wait to spend the rest of my life with.

#3: YWAM is in just two weeks and I am looking forward to what God is going to do.

#4: God has answered a prayer to my passion for singing and I will be working on a project with a producer in Raleigh when I return home this friday and in July.

#5: I get to see my soul sister and my son at BP in just a week and a half.

#6: I have time.

#7: Jesus never ceases to amaze me.





Daddy,
Thank You for sending blessings in my life these past couple of weeks. You are so good, and Your promises never fail. I know that even in the hard times there are goood times to come. I thank You so much for this. I thank You for every single person You have put in my path because I know that each one is there for a reason, which draws me closer to you in any given case scenario. You are such a Mighty God and I cherish each breath that You give me. Help me to use everything that I am for You and Your glory alone Father. Keep my heart humble so that You may here my cry.
I love You. I thank You for everything Daddy.
In Your Son's most precious and holy name,
Amen.

Psalm 51: 12 & 17

It's been awhile since I have had that time to allow God to speak.

I haven't quietend my soul or my surroundings.

I have been going and going, but today I took time.


I believe God takes us through the fire to refine us.
I believe God will take us places that we necessarily do not want to go to make us and mold us into the creation He intends for us to be.

I have been struggling with this.
I want it easy. I don't want it to hurt. I want it to be comfortable.

When we are called by God, it takes trial after trial after trial to bring us to that humble place where He can and will rip away the flesh that holds us back from
Him.

As Christ walked on earth, He never ever had it easy. His heart was constantly breaking for humanity, He was continually being ridiculed, and He never went a day without being mauked for who He was.

When we choose to identify with Christ, we take on the same sufferings as our Saviour did. I choose to surrender and allow for all of these things to happen in my life so that I may be heard by my Father.


Daddy,
I ask You today to "sustain" my heart and make me "willing" to go through whatever to become who You want me to be. Forgive me for being selfish and wanting everything to be easy and comfortable. I know that You take us through hard times to refine us. Remind me of this daily so that I may be blameless before You. Father You know my brokeness, You know my shortcomings, You know me like no one else. I ask that You would break my heart for what breaks Yours, and I ask that You would put in me a new heart, a new perspective, and the conviction of things that grieves Your Holy Spirit.
I love You Father. I long to be with You and know You more. Thank You for sending Your Son to save me and set me free.
I ask all of these things in Your Son's most holy and precious name,
Amen.

ALL.

"“LORD God of Israel, there is no God like thee, in heaven above, or on earth beneath, who keepest covenant and mercy with thy servants that walk before thee with all their heart.”" 1 Kings 8:23


Time flies quickly.

The times we are living in are perilous.

I am longing for Christ's return.

I am ready to go and do whatever He would have me do.

I desire for Christ to saturate all of my heart, all of my spirit, and all of my soul.

I believe Jesus is summoning his servants now more than ever to go out and proclaim His Word as fearless soldiers. I believe that it is only through Christ that human beings can live in total freedom. I don't want to sit back as a coward and not let the Truth be known. To say Christ is the only way is something that is very difficult to express in our culture today, but we must come to the point where we can boldly stand up for Him.

John 3:16


Abba Daddy,
I love You so much. Please forgive me of my shortcomings as I forgive those around me. I am ready for You to return and to spend eternity with You. You are all I want. You are all I need, and there will never be anyone like You. Please saturate all of me. Please have Your way with me, so that I may be refined and blameless before You. Set me free from all the things that try to chain me and hold me back from the plans You have destined for my life. Daddy, I ask that you would prepare Your servants to be bold and to be courageous for the things to come. I ask that you would set a hedge of protection around those that are fearlessly proclaiming Your Truth in dangerous parts of the world today. Cover them Lord. I ask that You would send the angel of the Second Great Awakening to revive and to turn hearts to You. We need you Lord. We desire You. Please come soon.
I ask all of these things in Your Son's precious name.
Amen

Beautiful.

These past three days have been the most beautiful days I have had in a long while.

Friday- I worked out. I had great Jesus time. I had the most exquisite Indian dish. I spent time with my Dad and Catherine. AND I saw Iron Man 2 which was a GREAT film.

Saturday- Relaxed. Went to an AMAZING church service, where I was deeply moved, bonded deeply with Jesus as well as Catherine. Was invited to lead worship for the Youth which was a huge answered prayer because I have been held back for several months now. [won't go into details]


Today- Relaxed. Went for a walk on a beautiful, scenic trail with my daddy. Had a WONDERFUL Iced Caramel Macchiato w/ soy. Got to express my love to the very special mothers God has placed in my life. AND found out bf is coming to see me in Colorado this weekend. :) <3

God has been doing some pretty awesome things in my life since I came to Colorado. He has answered so many prayers and I see His love shining in dark places here. He is prettyy awesome!





Abba Daddy,
I thank You so much for all the wonderful things You are doing in Steamboat. You are such a mighty God, and I am so glad I can thank You in the good times and the bad. I know You pour in only to have us poured out once again. So I ask You to begin pouring away into this thirsty spirit so that I may pour into others lives Daddy. I thank You for all the caring and nurturing mothers out there. Mothers play a dear and irreplaceable part in so many lives and I thank You for that. Thank You for your love and mercy You show to us daily. May we exhibit the same character as we fall more deeply in love with You. I love You soo much and again I thank You for everything.
All of these things I ask in Jesus' name.

Take 2.

I've been trying to sum up my experiences, my observations, my struggles from this past year.

God literally took me from the radical Christian bubble I loved, and placed me where there is confusion and distortion amongst various belief systems.


Tonight my friend directed me to a quote , that sums up the heart of todays culture. Many tears have been shed and many prayers have been lifted up to the heavenlies this past year.


May God bring hardcore conviction to the hearts of this generation we live in today.

- "There is a common, worldly kind of christianity in this day, which many have, and think they have enough - a cheap Christianity which offends nobody, and requires no sacrifice - which costs nothing, and is worth nothing"
- J.C Ryle

Sweet Summer.

I love summer.

I love being able to exercise and bike everywhere everyday because I am without Old Betsy.

I love that I am only 30 seconds from Starbucks.

I love that in the morning I can build a snowman and by noon it is warm outside.

I love spending time with Jesus all throughout the day with no other worries clouding my brain.


This is the life. I am enjoying every minute of it; and I thank God for the opportunity to live in such a great town.

Daddy,
I thank You soo much for summertime. I thank You for being in control of my life even when I feel like everything is falling apart. I thank You for sending my dad to the other side of the country where it is beautiful and there is no face to be recognized. I thank You that You are AWESOME, ALMIGHTY, and that You ARE the CREATOR of the UNIVERSE. You are so cool and I could not imagine life without You. Thank You for loving me, for showing mercy, for guiding me , and for being Lord over my life. I do not deserve it, but I am so thankful for it. I pray that You would continue toto guide and direct my path, and that You would continue to give me wisdom as You have promised.
I ask all of these things in Jesus name,
Amen

it's been awhile...

"if you don't do the Word, you'll forget the Word."


"Expressing in action the Word of God brings forth a special anointing that brings blessings."


"To call Jesus Lord, is to do whatever He tells us to do."


"And if so, our only answer is Yes, Lord."


"if the Word is the final authority, then all argument will cease."


-Pastor Dollar


I want to be a doer of the Word.

Freedom.

Freedom in Christ is to be fully surrendered to the Father.

brreak.

In the midst of trial. In the midst of affliction and pain, we can often forget Who we are striving to see at the end of the day.



Daddy,
Let me not forget that hell on earth is nothing in comparison to an eternity without You. You are my rock, my shield , and my salvation. Though there are many on earth who let us down, Your promises still remain. I thank You for everything You have done for me. You are so Awesome, and let me not forget what Your Son did on the cross for all humanity. How great is Your love.
Thank You Daddy.>

child like faith.

Though I've seen this video a gazillion times, it moves me cry out for the faith of a child.


i neeedd this

break.

For the past week or so.... I have been smacked in the face with so many different revelations.

It has been so difficult for me to blog because there are so many things running through this brain of mine.

All I know is my heart is breaking, for all men of this world. May God tear the veils that blind even those who claim to know Him.


What I have been wrestling with lately is best expressed by one of my favourite authors Oswald Chambers. What does it mean to be ressurrected with the living Messiah? This excerpt is based off of Mark 9:9


"So many people do tell what they saw on the Mount of Transfiguration-their mountaintop experience. They have seen a vision and they testify to it, but there is no connection between what they say and how they live. Their lives don't add up because the Son of Man has not yet risen in them. How long will it be before His ressurrection life is formed and evident in you and in me?"





Abba Daddy, we need You. Your people are crying out for revival and for your return. May we begin to understand Your living Word that is revealed on through Your Holy Spirit, Father. May we rid ourselves of anything that comes before You, Daddy. I don't even understand how people in this world can be so misled , but I pray for the veils to be torn. I pray for the church of compromise to be a church of zeal and truth Daddy. I ask that the truth of Your love will be revealed to the hearts of all and that You would continue to prophesy to your peoples hearts daily. Break our hearts for what breaks Yours. We need to be on our knees more than ever before You Jesus. I pray for Jerusalem, I ask Father that there will be peace and that Your people would turn to you Father. I pray for America, in its mockery and slander to You, I pray that You would have mercy upon us God; that Your Holy Spirit would be poured out and that the Great Awakening You have promised will come soon, and transform the lives of believers and non-believers Father. I love You, I thank You for everything You have done for me and others, and I will give you all the praise, all the honor, and all of the glory all of my days!
I ask this in Your Son's precious Holy name!

wowzers.

So today has been a beautiful day.
It has not been as productive as I would have liked it to be, but I did get to exercise which made me very happy.

Now let's get to the point.
I have been wanting to give up on something that I have been doing for the past three days now, and as I soon as I wanted to give up , I came across this scripture:

"“Is not this the fast that I have chosen, to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke?” "Isaiah 58:6

WoW.

Fasting is such a vital commandment in our walk in the Lord. It is difficult and requires much surrender to this flesh. We must go against everything that our body craves in order to satisfy the spirit that resides within the depths of our body.

When we fast we break free the chains of wickedness. We break chains. We break the Enemy's strongholds he has upon our lives and we experience a freedom that only Daddy can give. WOW!

I don't want to give up. I want to keep pressing on, and break the chains that the Enemy tries to hold me down with. "Whom the Son sets free, is free indeed."

I am free when I obey Daddy, and do not give into the flesh. I am free when a make a conscious effort to keep pressing on in this temporal place. I am free because the Son has set me free! Praise Daddy!

He is so good. The Jesus that lives inside of me has conquered the grave, and He is setting me free the more and more I draw nigh to Him in obedience to the things He asks of me. For it is when we disobey God, that we allow the chains to become heavy come upon our lives.


Daddy,
Please help me to keep pressing on these next 5 days. I can not do it alone, for it is only by your Holy Spirit and Your Truth that I can continue on. Help me to realize the things You ask of me are for my own good even though I can not see it in the present moment. Remind me daily , that the things you require for us are preparing us for an Eternity with You. You are so good, Daddy. You are mighty and Your love is everlasting. You are longing to set your Children free. May Your children study Your truth and cling to Your words for dear life. Your words are more precious than gold or anything that seems appealing to this world. I love You so much and I am so thankful that You keep me on track. What love is this, O Lord? None of us will ever be able to fathom the vastness of You, but let us continue to dive into the depths of Your heart, Jesus.
Again Daddy, I thank You for everything You have done for me. Thank You for sending Your precious Son to die for me and this world. We certainly do not deserve Your love, but thank You. May our hearts remain in gratitude for ALL You have done for us, and may we never grow weary in the race that leads to eternal life.
I ask all of these things in Jesus' name,
Amen

"Do not run, but overcome."

These words have been twirling around in my brain over and over again today.
Even though I know it is the Holy Spirit beckoning my heart to do the things I know I should do, I would much rather run.
I want to run... far, far away from here. I am growing weary of this experience and I am just tired of dealing with the things of this world.
Right now, I would rather be on a plane to Colorado, having coffee with my sister, than be in the same room with "a tree that seemed so "trusty", but alas it broke and it shattered into little loglets."

IneedYouDaddy. Reall bad.

Daddy,
Help me to endure these last two months. Give me the discernment and the wisdom in the paths that I will take this summer and next fall. You are a mighty God. You are the Alpha and Omega. You are my Rock , my Shield, but mostly You are my Salvation.
I know Your ears are attentive to the cries of You Children. May You hear my cry and plea, O God as I seek Your face in every aspect of my life. I need You now more than ever.
I love You.
Amen

Itiswell.

Sometimes.. things can get to us, and they need to.
"It is Well"... is the one song that can always pull my heart strings.
I really loveee that song.
I really love how the Holy Spirit works in our hearts to set our souls free from all the chains that tend to weigh us down.
I serve a Mighty God; a God that can turn a sinner's heart to a heart of purity.
I serve a God who breaks the chains, and renews a weary heart.
That is my God. That is the God of this universe.



Daddy, You are so flippin' AWESOME! I love You!

no comprehende...

Though I can not wrap my mind around the things that are currently taking place, I will press on.
God is mighty, and it is His love that gives us peace when we do not understand.

hmm...

Today was a very good day. Not only was the sun shining perfectly, but the temperature was very soothing to my soul.
I had a coffee date that went splendidly, and it really shed light on some current situations I am facing. The most wonderful thing I have learned about relationships is that one must take the time to get to know a person and make an effort to make things right.

Some people, on the other hand, have not a clue how to have a healthy relationship. They bounce from place to place, furnishing surfaced friendships, but are unable to establish one that has depth and true meaning. I have for so long tried to figure out what was the problem. Was it me? Was I doing something wrong? Nope. I look at my friendships and would have to say I have a lot of meaningful ones. The time I have invested in people and vice versa is what it takes to remain something meaningful.
Until a person learns that a relationship takes much time and effort, he or she will never be able to have an in depth relationship (friendship or intimate) with anyone. I also wonder if that kind of tendency reflects a relationship with Jesus? I mean God has infinite depth... and it is always our relationship with Him that reflects everything else we do in life.

I want depth. I do not desire anything that is surface; for how can I truly be a sister in Christ to my brothers and sisters if I do not form a friendship relationship that does not have depth. How can I carry his or her burdens as my own if I do not have depth? Relationships take effort, time, and commitment. We must not run from the ones we say we "care" about or desire "genuine friendship" from. It just is not possible. I have always wondered how I have carried a burden for almost a decade now with one in particular. But now I understand.. It is my desire to fulfill the call of God in loving my brothers and sisters at the depths of which I am commanded to do. I will continue to love. I will continue to do my part. I will never give up on loving until it hurts because that is what Christ does for me daily.


Daddy,
It's me again. How I desire to be made complete in You. You are my rock, my shield, and my Salvation, O Lord. How merciful and relentless You are for Your children's love. How despicable human beings we are; will You have mercy on this generation that is consumed with what pleases self, O God? Will make us a generation that produces a selfless faith that will go to any extreme to follow You? I plead with You Daddy. Please rise up the great Fire for this generation; a Fire that consumes this decaying world. Daddy, I ask that You would break the hearts that follow You; that You would humble us and give us the wisdom to know how to produce healthy relationships. May we be selfless enough to put forth time, effort, and commitment to those relationships , and may they glorify You in every single way , O Lord. I love You with all my heart and I am thankful for EVERYTHING, EVERY PERSON, EVERY SITUATION, You have ordained for my life.
You are the awesomest Daddy of this universe and I will never have enough of You.
I ask all of these things in Your Son's precious Holy name,
Amen

pride.

Proverbs 8:13
"The fear of the LORD is to hate evil: pride, and arrogancy, and the evil way, and the froward mouth, do I hate. "
Proverbs 16:18:
"Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall."

Pride is one of the things that I have observed is a man's greatest downfall. To think of oneself better than another really makes me want to vomit. In my walk with Christ, the one thing that I continually pray for is a humble heart. Since high school, I have watched how pride rots away a person's internal being. It is a rotten thing, and it is something I despise. I pray that people who seek after the popularity of people and who think that the world is supposed to adore them, receive a reality check.
We are not put on earth to seek the favor of men, but to seek the favor of God. I have learned that seeking the favor of God is not always going to attract the world. In fact, it is something that is looked down upon in our culture. When we identify with Christ, we will be persecuted, we will be mocked, we will be the scum of the earth. To take up the cross of Christ is a difficult task, but it is well worth it.


Daddy,
I pray that you will fix in me a humble heart, and that you will give me patience to endure the hardship that comes along with it. I pray that in hardship, you will help me love the unlovable. I need Your grace, Daddy. I need You to help me see others as you see them. I pray for those who persecute Christians,Daddy. I pray that their hearts will be convicted by Your Holy Spirit and that they will be drawn to You. You are an awesome God, and I think You for dealing with us in unconditional love and mercy. Your name is greatly to be magnified and praised all of my days, Daddy. I love You!
In your Son's precious name.

Life is precious.

Today a man I use to work with had a heart-attack. He was only 39.

















"Daughter, I will keep your family in the palm of My hands. Do not worry."

Colorado!

I have been in Colorado for two days now and I am enjoying every bit of it.
It is so beautiful and being with my family makes my heart sing.
As my father and I drove through the scenic view of Colorado, we sang old hymns, and rejoiced in the Lord for all the great things He has made. How great is thou art.

God is so creative. I love His art. I love breathing in the goodness of His air. He never ceases to amaze me. What an Almighty God we serve. I am so thankful that He has given me the opportunity to experience the various aspects of His creation.

Seeing the tinted mountains in such a pure blue makes me wonder what God was thinking as He began to create such wonderful things. Seeing this beauty allows me to see a new depth of His heart. God is so amazing. I honestly can not even fathom the emotions that are stirring in my heart and soul. All I know is that all of this beauty makes me fall in love with the Father so much more.


Thank you Daddy for EVERYTHING.
I love You.

Today.

Today I will rejoice for it is Friday.

I will rejoice because God is good.

I will rejoice because I will be in the arms of my Mama C at 4:30pm

I will rejoice because God deserves all my praise

I will rejoice because this is a going to be a magnificent holiday!! =]

Thank You Lord for Friday! <3

One of those days....

In two days, I will be home with the ones I love.

This past week has been an overwhelming, stressful, and exhausting kind of week.

My heart can only take so much... and today was the breaking point.

I have not been able to cry in awhile... and it has really been bothering me.

I am definitely one who cries constantly so to not be able to cry has not been good for me.

It finally happened.

I wept. As I was in the bathroom weeping my eyeballs out.. I felt better. I have needed to feel better for awhile now because internally I have been struggling. Struggling is not a good thing for me. Usually I can feel God's presence in the midst of the trial, but lately I have not felt Him. I know He is there, and I know that He will never leave me or forsake me. But I really just want to feel Him right beside me.

People know when you are sad, and sometimes they try to make you feel better but they just make it worse. Even though I appreciate the efforts of others, I know that is only God who can heal what I am struggling with internally. I don't even know what is so I know it is only the Holy Spirit who can make it right.

I just need to get away from this hell-hole. I need to gather my thoughts, my sanity, and hug my daddy for a very long time. I need to cry in his arms, and him tell me that it is going to be okay and everything will get better. I feel as though my heart is being ripped apart again, but this time I don't know why. Usually I know why these things are happening , but this time it's different. I know God is up to something, but I can't figure it out.

Father,

Please help me to get through this week. People are wearing thin on my heart, and honestly I would rather be in a cave alone with You. Minister to me through Your Holy Spirit. I need Your peace to surround me and I need to rest in it. Help me to focus on what I need to focus on, but mostly help me keep my eyes set upon You, Daddy. I know You know what You are doing, and You don't need my help. Keep me away from butting in and guide my heart Father. I do not want it to wander places that aren't of You. Please give me that discernment, to KNOW that the paths I am taking are undoubtedly of You. I love You. You are Magnificent, Almighty, the Creator of this universe, and I know You care about my every move. Thank You for loving me unconditionally. You are Awesome.

I love you Daddy and I ask all of these things in Jesus' name,

Amen.

Peace and Blessings be with you always.

-Ava

The Zone.

So lately... I feel as though the script of my life is being written for the Twilight Zone. I can not help but feel all the situations that are playing out are some kind of joke or maybe it is just something beyond my reasoning which probably means God is at work. As odd as it feels, I know that God is in control , and that His promises to me remain.

I know that what-ever is going on it is in the hands of God, but I can't shake this feeling of running away to comfort. I want to run the security that I have ran to for the past three years, but the other half me knows I must face whatever is going on right now. The fleshy side of my wants to eat, be merry, and enjoy Dunn... BUT I know this isn't the life God has called me to.

I have been called to confront the uncomfortable and allow God to use it for His glory. I know that in order to be refined by Him, we must face situations that allow us to cling to Him no matter what.

Daddy,

Help me to rest in Your peace and lean not on my own understanding. I know You are in control and that You love me. You will never let me go, and Your love is an everlasting love I can always trust. Help me to love as You love, and break my heart for what breaks Yours Daddy.

You are awesome and I love you so much!

In Your Son's precious name,

Amen.

Erg.

Make me vulnerable.

Tear me apart. I need to feel.

I need to hurt. I need to be broken.

I need Your presence. I need to care.

I just need to know You are here.

I am desperate. I am barely holding on.

Can You hurry this up, God?

I am so tired of waiting. Impatience is settling deep.

I sound so selfish, and I admit that I am.

I am in need of my Saviour, the One who delivers me with His plan.

Stubborn

This past weekend I went with Campus Outreach to Winter Blast.

I really didn't want to go at first, but it was either go or stay in my dorm room feeling sorry for myself about some situations I am currently facing. I went. It was great. I laughed. I cried. I rejoiced with those who are now apart of the family in Christ, but most importantly I have come to the realization of how stubborn I can be.

Growing up in a pentecostal church I had always listened to the Holy Spirit being preached. Not that this is at all a wrong thing, but I grew up with the mind set that it must be preached at this depth everywhere.

This past weekend, I came to realize that people who don't necessarily preach the Holy Spirit in the depth that I am used to, have the same heart for God as I do. It is humbling to see that though things are not taught exactly the same, the mission of my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ does remain alike. Our mission is to share the Gospel of Christ, and show it through our love and compassion.

I was so convicted by this truth and if we would all open up our hearts and put behind the political and theological arguments of Christianity, I believe that the Bride of Christ would unite so much more hastily than ever before.

My hope and prayer is that God will bring all brothers and sisters in Christ back to the basics; back to the Cross. For it is at the Cross, the death and resurrection of Christ, where lives are changed, transformed, and where the Holy Spirit can manifest in each individual heart.

Daddy,

Though you have allowed me to experience many miracles and wonders that are done for Your glory, I pray that You will make me humble and allow me to always look up to your Son in adoration for what He did for me on the cross. I am so undeserving, and it is only by Your Son that I can stand redeemed and whole. Thank You so much for Your Love Daddy. I am so in awe of the things You continually do to make things right and perfect. May I continue to surrender all that I am to You, and not hold back from loving any person on this Earth. You are Awesome, Almighty, Merciful, and I thank You so much for being my Father.

In Your Son's precious name,

Amen

Suffering.

“For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake.” Philippians 1:29

May I live for You, no matter what the cost. May I not be afraid to love until it hurts.

Discernment

So... God has been doing some pretty big things recently, and while I am thankful for these things I am also having to pray for discernment and direction in the next few steps I should take.

Emotions are neither a good or bad trait to have, but sometimes can be a hindrance between flesh and spirit. We often think that things are of God, and sometimes they can be, but the soul-ish , fleshy realm is where the emotions become entangled with the Spirit which causes chaos.

Since God is a God of peace, and not of chaos; we must learn to discern what is of His Holy Spirit and what is merely emotion.

Some situations in my life have quickly resurfaced, and the Lord knows I have been in so much prayer; offering up these situations to Him.

It is our emotions that often lead us to react, and it is the Holy Spirit who leads us to meditate and wait on what He would have us do.

All of my life, in every season, I must offer up all of my emotions to Him so I may KNOW without a shadow of doubt what is of God and what is merely my flesh.

Teach me good judgment, wise and right discernment, and knowledge, for I have believed (trusted, relied on, and clung to) Your commandments.

-Psalm 119:66

Abba-Daddy,

I ask that You would give me discernment in every aspect of my life. I ask that You would reveal to me what is of Your Holy Spirit and what is merely fleshly emotion. I need You in every season of my life, especially when questions come about those things that are resurfacing. Test me, prove me, refine me, like Your precious gold dear Daddy. I want to be blameless before you in every part of my life. I am nothing without You. Renew my mind, give me a pure heart, and let it not deceive or lead me astray O, Lord. You are Alpha, You are Omega. You are the Beginning. You are the End. There is no other name above Your name.

-You are summoning our nation to proclaim Your truth more than ever. Let us be a bold generation, a generation that is not afraid to proclaim Christ as Son of the Living God. Help us Lord, forgive us our sin, and please have mercy on us.

I love you Daddy, and I thank You for everything You are.

In Jesus' name.

Amen

Peace and Blessings! =)

Reconilation = happiness.

I love how God answers prayers.

I REALLY love how God uses specific things, people, people, words, etc to answer prayers.

I REALLY, REALLY love how God has reconciled things that needed to be reconciled in my life and that He did it so much more perfectly then I could have ever dreamed of.

God is good all the time, and I look forward to seeing what this new season brings.

Reflection on or of God?

As I reflect on these past few months, I can say I have gone through a living hell, and I am ironically thankful for it.

As odd as that statement seems, I find myself looking to God every second of my life. A heart of constant prayer, a mind that is continually on Christ, that is what leads to perseverance; that is what leads us to the heart of God.

Addition to that I have been praying on what my mission statement should be in life; it kinda just hit me.

In everything I do, I want it to be for the glory of God, and I want to be a reflection of Him instead of on Him.

God desires 100% of our lives, and if we are not giving that to Him, we are cheating on Him. We should never cheat on the One we love most.

Do the decisions we make give Him a bad rep or a good rep? That should be a daily question in our lives. In what-ever I do, in every decision I make, I will make it a habit to go back to the mission statement that has been given for my life.

If it is not in alignment with it, then I must pray and discern what God would have me do.

A life fully surrendered to Him will be a reflection of Him instead of on Him.

Truth

It's amazing how God's promises bring new revelation in various circumstances.

He never ceases to amaze me.

His love is amazing and I am so humbled that His love abides in me.

We are so undeserving.

Revelation comes with heartening conviction.

" If I stripped everything away from you, would you still follow Me? "

As I feel my heart being stretched to the max; I feel I am reaching a level beyond emotion, beyond analyzing, it's becoming a commitment that is beyond just an on and off relationship... It's this marriage. I am so dependent upon it, clinging to Him, desperate for Him. It's this love I cannot fathom. It's this kinda love that brings me to my knees. So humbling. I cannot grasp this Love, but I know can't live without it.

Strip everything that keeps me from You, O Lord. I know life is nothing without You. Thank you, Daddy. Thank you.

Another Random.

"Never tell God no."

Boy: "I should have loved you."

Girl: "Like Christ loves the church?"

Boy: "Exactly."

"God knows what He's doing, He doesn't need you to help."

Surrender all.

Gentle Reminder. Awesome Provider. That's who You are.

Serving the Lord with all humility of mind.

"Whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister; and whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant: even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.
If a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself. I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man, ... not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith. When ye shall have done all those things which are commanded you, say, We are unprofitable servants: we have done that which was our duty to do.
Our rejoicing is this, ... that in simplicity and godly sincerity, not with fleshly wisdom, but by the grace of God, we have had our conversation in the world. We have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us."

Fact: My heart desires to be like Jesus, and surrender all that I am to Him.

Fact: Flesh gets in the way sometimes. ( a lot)

Fact: For godly wisdom to enter in, worldly thoughts must be washed out.

Fact: Too often we rely upon man rather than the God of this universe.

Cleanse me, O God.

Cleanse my thoughts, actions, soulish emotions, and anything that is not of You.

I need you all of my days, and I can do nothing without you. Help me to love the unlovable,

and to persevere through the uncomfortable. I know that it is only through You I can do any of these things.

You are awesome, You are mighty, and there is definitely none like You.

In Your Son's precious name.

Gentle Reminder. Awesome Provider. That's who You are.

Serving the Lord with all humility of mind.

"Whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister; and whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant: even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.
If a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself. I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man, ... not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith. When ye shall have done all those things which are commanded you, say, We are unprofitable servants: we have done that which was our duty to do.
Our rejoicing is this, ... that in simplicity and godly sincerity, not with fleshly wisdom, but by the grace of God, we have had our conversation in the world. We have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us."

Bring it on, 10.

Enjoy life as it is now.

Never become too futuristic.

Always trust. Never lose hope. Know that God holds everything in the palm of His hand.