You never forget your first love.
You will often recount the memories and deep emotions in which you had never felt elsewhere.
You eventually move on, but will always think of them fondly.



Ready to move forward.....
Ready for God's will for my life to not be hindered.

fight.

keep fighting.

keep running the race of faith.

it is worth it.

rise above.

Lately, this reoccurring theme has not only been resonating in the depths of my heart, but through scripture, through song, through conversations.

For awhile now, I have been longing for a breakthrough.
I have been longing for the dark cloud that has so heavily hovered over me,
to leave by the piercing rays of sunlight.
Well, dear readers...
That day has finally come.
I can see the Son bursting through the broken glass,
healing the deepest wounds,
and restoring in me what I thought was once lost.


For those who doubted, judged, and chose to cast stones instead of love, this is especially for you.
I pray that you will rise above and that you will realize that we serve the same Redeemer, the same Jesus who died for all of our sins and shortcomings... not. just. some.
Yahweh is the One and only One relentlessly pursues to capture our wayward hearts and bring restoration continually to those who
have been broken or even gone astray.

To those who have continually stood by my side, through the tears, the bleeding heart, through the continual prayer sessions.
I can not thank you enough. I love you all so much.
But most importantly, I thank my Savior for continually wrapping me in His arms and continuing to love me despite of the past.
His mercies are new every morning! :) He gently moves us onward. Hallelujah.


This is my theme song for the season.
And believe me.. it is much more beautiful up here. :)

innermost...

Many of us have heard it said, many of us have thought it to be truth, but I come with challenge and one that may bring forth much prayer and meditation.
So, yeah... here it goes.
"Your circumstances can either make you or break you".


What if, as followers of Jesus, the Sovereignty of the Almighty allowed circumstances to break us only so that the Father Himself could make and mold us more into His likeness.
So many of us question why bad things happen, and even shy away from the fact that God himself could, in His Sovereignty, be orchestrating such events to build and strengthen our relationship in Him. Perhaps there is deeper and much more profound reasoning for why we go through such pain and hardship in life.
The Scriptures tell us not to be surprised when such pains and trials come, for it is part of taking up the cross daily and identifying in the death of Jesus Christ.
Within our transformation will come much pain and sorrow, in which will ultimately lead us to crucify the flesh by yielding to the Holy Spirit, or we will become hardened and bitter towards the crushing hand known as Sovereignty.

The most encouraging thing to me is this:
Once we allow Sovereignty to crush us as He did with Jesus, something supernatural in us occurs. We become resurrected and transformed in Christ Jesus. Our flesh becomes merely skin that we long to be out of, then the deepest longing and desire becomes a spirit that needs to be right next to Papa.


I urge you my dear brothers and sisters to not be hardened to the pains and trials that will come your way.
The Father may even use those closest to you to bring the most heart-wrenching experiences that will ultimately bring forth your true character. Pray for them. Love them. Do your part. Jesus did.
In this life, many that claim Jesus as Lord will be the ones who pierce and wound the deepest part of your being, but do not be hardened by them. The Lord is faithful and just. Know your Father and know Him intimately. He will teach you and make you into the man and woman you are called to be.


Go the second mile. Turn the other cheek. Continue to love through the many pains and hardships that the narrow road brings.


May blessings and joy be upon you always,
Ava

bleeding hearts both torn and worn.

There is no way to resurrect a relationship that never truly began.

Though the deepest part of me knows there will be no rekindled flame, my heart still strays to the scenes of restless and secretive nights that will never shed a peak of light.


To be honest, I am not sure what I miss more; the nights in and of themselves, or the being who I dared to share the most unspeakable moments with.


If I could turn back time, I most certainly would. But I suppose I will continue to be haunted in dreamland by the most handsome creature, in my opinion, that God has ever designed; or at least until my heart has mended and decides to take another venture.


I no longer dream of fairytales such as Cinderella, but of those who have broken me and those I in turn have broken.

I only pray that God continues to use such a broken vessel.

I am so weak, and yet He chooses to use the weak ones who are aware of such infirmities.

One thing is for certain...

"One thing is for certain-He [Jesus] will never throw our past failures back in our faces." ~ Oswald Chambers


I am so thankful that my Savior Jesus does not ever bring up the past, for He knows that we as Christians deal enough with our own guilt and shame of the choices we have made in those times.
The Lord Jesus throws our sin into the sea of forgetfulness and holds the power to make Himself forget them.
Praise be to the Lord Jesus who covers our sins! What is heart wrenching, however, is that so many 'followers of Jesus' are so quick to condemn and bring judgement to their own.
It saddens me, how unlike Jesus the church has become. Instead, the church parades like a Pharisee wearing a mask of holier than thou when truly we have all been covered by the same blood for all sin, not just particular ones.
We as Jesus followers are to be like Him. We are to become little Christ's that shine a light and bring love to the world, but so many of us get caught up on how dirty a person is or how much he or she has messed up.
We all have fallen short of the glory of God... who are we to condemn our brother or sister?
Our jobs as Christians, is to bring love and forgiveness. We are to exhort and encourage one another. We are to carry each others burdens and hardships no matter how heavy or gross they may seem.

My prayer is that we would be so surrendered to Jesus that we walk in all of His footsteps.
My prayer is that we would not throw stones, but reach out with open arms to those who struggling today.
If we stone our brother or sister from the church, where else are they to go?


Choose love today. Look past the surface and realize that each individual on this earth longs for what you do. Choose to be surrendered fully to the One who has covered each and every flaw of yours with His precious blood.

Keep Reaching....

When rejected while reaching out to another, continue reaching out.

Jesus always will.

....

Know Sovereignty.
Know the One who fulfills your destiny.
Know intimacy of the Intimate.
Know complete satisfaction.
These are treasures found in the heart of Christ.

a quote.

All men, at some point in time, have thought the same thought and felt the same emotion.
It is only those who are given eloquent words and proper order that leave this lasting legacy:
A quote.

Truth.

It is 2:27am.
I am restless and full of emotions that remain unnamed.
I must admit that this is not something new and continues to plague my inner being.

I must also touch on some instances that have occurred in the last couple of hours.
I will focus in on a topic that promises to set the captive free and make the all wrongs right.
Truth.
Truth is many things to many different people in which most cases is a self-defeating statement.
But the one thing that I have just recently learned is that though the truth may hurt, it can also blossom forth compassion for others.

It seems as though the Lord is continually uprooting things deeply embedded in various chambers of my heart.
And as painful as it is, it is also liberating to feel the warmth of compassion in a place that has been hardened by hurt for so many years.
I am thankful, yet I am also helpless in heart, for I know nothing I say or do can change the mind or actions of any individual.
Prayer is powerful, and joining with family in prayer brings forth such a precious dynamic in the spiritual realm that stirs the deepest part of my spirit man.
I am blessed to be able to join in prayer with a grandfather and new grandmum who have a deep love for his children and grandchildren that will stay up to pray with me even if it is way past his or her bed time.
Thank You, Lord.

I know the Lord works all things for the good of those who love Him.
I also know the Lord hears the cries and longings of His children and will not pass over them.
Until I see fruit in this certain uprooting, I will continue to trust in the One who has known me even before the womb.
He is good no matter what the end result may be.

it's 4am..

For 3 nights now I have tossed and turned, pondering life and wondering how I reached the point in which there is no return.

I ponder the way in which I found my-self amongst people who enjoy bickering, chaos and who compose propostouros symphonies of abnormal and non-rhythmic snores.

And how dare one ask a question that is poised with any logic or reason.

It has most certainly been a very interesting three days.

Now, I sit in the lobby of surrounding horribly matched couches and a monsterous clock that reminds me time is passing, and I have yet to find the peace and rest that I so long for.

There are many things I don't understand in life, and some things I so desire to erase or undo as I delete a text message or a poorly composed thought.

As I replay the public incident that occurred on the four lane highway named Brookshire Freeway; there is one thing that continues to plague me and has foreshadowed much of my life thus far; and it is the shattered windshield that could have and should have fallen from its frame to cut me all to pieces.


Part of me wishes to play the blame game, but the deeper part of me refuses to and accepts that there is a greater picture at hand.

I continue to walk in faith, knowing there is an Almighty who holds my hand every step of the way, and who continues to protect me as I venture through the hardships and pains of life.


In a couple of hours from now, I will make way to visit with the Amish people of good ole' Ohio. I will enjoy various types of cheese, fuss with my mother, and hold back many words that most certainly will not display the love of Christ. I could wish these next two days away, but I am going to do my best to make the most of the time I have, and pray that the Lord will give me grace as I endure the resistance that stirs heavily within me.

Maybe there will be a handsome Amish man around the corner who will distract me from all these troubles. *wishful thinking*

Until tomorrow.
Blessings and Peace be with you.
-Ava

unexpected.

Things in life, both good and bad, often happen unexpectedly.
Though this statement seems do be a reoccurring theme in my life, I try to always look ahead.
I don't quite understand what has just happened nor do I really care to do so.
I must say, it is quite unfortunate, but I must keep moving forward.


I am afraid of the next couple of weeks ahead, and I am not quite sure how everything will pan out.
One thing I am certain of however, is that God never changes and in the midst of uncertainty I know He is certain of what must occur in my life to draw me closer to His heart.



I have learned that sometimes the truth is hard to hear.
I have learned that peoples perceptions of others is often distorted because bias
clouds what is truly underneath.
I have learned that not all families are rainbows and unicorns.
I have learned that Blue Moon and making music calm my nerves tremendously.
But the thing I have learned most in these past chaotic days is that things will work out in the end and divine opportunities will arise as long as I keep my eyes on the prize, which is to know the heart of my Father.


I desire peace, but it doesn't always come.
I desire stability, but it never comes in human form.
I desire to know how to change for the better, but I keep finding myself in some of the same patterns I was in years ago.
I desire to know Jesus Christ intimately. This never requires a but.



I am broken and I am in need of my Saviour who graciously picks me up from my deep dark pits on a daily basis.


Goodbye Colorado.
Goodbye NC.
Farewell college.

Hello Maui. Let's see what Jesus is up to next.

For in these things I delight...

Jeremiah 9:23-24
Thus says the Lord:"Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the Lord."

Jeremiah 10:10
"But the Lord is the true God;
he is the living God and the everlasting King
At his wrath the earth quakes,
and the nations cannot endure his indignation."

these quotes must be glued to the heart....

"God gives us the cross, and then the cross gives us God."
~Jeanne Guyon


"As soon as anything comes to you in the form of suffering, at that very moment a natural resistance will well up somewhere inside of you. When that moment comes, immediately resign yourself to God. Accept the matter. In that moment give yourself up to Him as a sacrifice."
~Jeanne Guyon

It's 2am...

It's 2am and I sit here awake with eyes burning from all the tears shed from a broken and bitter heart.

For far too long I have carried bitterness and hurt.
For far too long I have tried to fight a battle that is not mine to fight.
For far too long I have kept the Love that has been given freely to self; so afraid of how others would respond resulting in another traumatic heartbreak.


How dare I? Truly?

If I have learned anything in the past 7 years of my life, it is the recurring theme on pain and love.
They both go hand in hand and one cannot be without the other.
We hear songs such as 'love is a battlefield', 'bleeding love', 'break your heart'.. ecetera , ecetera.

Why does love cause so much pain and what is the root of it, I question often.

I think I have found an answer.

God is love. He sent Jesus as an expression of love.

But what did Jesus allow the Father to do?
Anything and everything to and through him.

He was surrendered..
He gave the Father the power to do whatever He pleased.


When we enter into any relationship, whether it be courtship or friendship, we are looking for depth with that individual.
We search to know everything about them, which ultimately puts us on the path to intimacy. Once we reach this intimacy, we also reach our most vulnerable state of being, which in turn gives power to the other individual. The power to crush us. The power to run off and make fools of us. The power to absolutely destroy us.


Love requires pain, but the question is will that person rise above? We trust so. Since human-beings are flawed, heartbreak and pain are inevitable. But what is reassuring is if we truly want to become like Jesus, we keep trusting, we keep loving, and we keep returning to the one who breaks our hearts, and yet heals our heart at the very same moment.

Never grow weary of being vulnerable.
Keep the walls down, and love with all the power the Lord has given you through His Holy Spirit.
It will always be worth it in the end.
Brokenness and humble hearts are pleasing to the Father.
These attributes keep us away from pride and fleshly tendencies, but ultimately that teach us a little of what Jesus felt.
I want to love like Jesus even if it requires pain and suffering.

Tears. Trust. Patience.

I went home a couple of days ago.
While it was haunting to see some of the devastation of the small town in which I have been born and raised, peace and solitude found me. Fate found me. The words of Jesus were spoken to my heart. I found hope again.

As I pulled up to the driveway, I found my Papa frolicking in the fields on a bike with three wheels. I went up to greet him, and he kissed me on the cheek with his warm and tender love radiating from the depths of his heart. The most joyous moment of my visit was to see his child-like faith put into action.

See, my Papa is madly in love with this wonderful lady named Dollie. She compliments him well and I am quite fond of her myself.
Seeing them together encourages me, and helps me hold on to the hope of which the Father placed in me long ago. The fire has been rekindled and I trust that He knows what He is doing in all
areas of the life that is His alone.

As I returned from my ventures that evening, Mrs. Dollie was waiting for me at the kitchen table. I quickly pulled up a chair to express to her what an awful state my heart was in. She listened. She listens well.
She went on to tell me her and Papa's love story. A story of heartache, trust, patience, and endurance. She watched the very man that God promised her three years prior marry another woman, but she trusted and she waited. Along with many tears and questions, she pressed forward. She continued to wait on the Lord and trust in His promises. He remembered her, and it all worked out for her and Papa's good.


What is the point of this story you may wonder?

The point is some of us know promises the Lord has made to us long ago.
Some of us are struggling, and that is okay. In the midst of the struggle, we grow stronger in our faith.
Why?
Because we realize that we need the Lord in every small detail and we can truly do nothing without Him. We are each broken and weak vessels who need a Savior to fix us and make us strong. He makes us strong only through our weaknesses. It is okay to be weak and vulnerable, despite of what the world says.
The Lord teaches and uses us most when we realize these truths about ourselves, and He shines brighter than the sun through us when we allow Him to be made strong in the midst of our sufferings.

My soul will continually wait on the Lord. I will not give in to 'meantime' individuals who attempt to satisfy what was only meant for One to fulfill. The Lord has our best interest at heart. The question is , will we go before Him, admitting our struggle; pouring out our hearts to Him so He may fill us up beyond the brim? The Lord knows what each individual is called to, whether is be marriage or singleness. Will we settle? Will we go with what we think is best or will we allow the Lord to give us His best for us?



Lord,
I come before you admitting that this heart grows lonely and that I question. I know You have my best interest in mind and I know that You are preparing and raising up that special individual just for me. Thank You for the satisfaction and fulfillment You bring to my life. Forgive me for the times I have stumbled and chosen to walk my own path. I need You Lord. I realize that the end of the day, it will be just me and You, face to face. There is nothing more satisfying than being in Your Presence. Thank You.
I love You and I praise You for what You are doing in my heart. I praise You for teaching me and growing me in the midst of the storm.
You are good.
I love You and ask all of these things in Jesus' name,
Amen

The Return of Christ Jesus.

Though amusing yet haunting, there is a viral media and social uproar about the return of Christ Jesus. I am appalled at both extremes believers are taking on each spectrum.
On the right, one spectrum is promoting a certain date, while the other side is mocking and scoffing at the thought of Jesus returning soon. In all honesty, both sides are wrong, and it saddens me that believers in the Lord Jesus Christ are so unappealing.

I am saddened because the fact of the matter is, Jesus will return. And like the apostle Paul, we should be in earnest expectation of the return of our Lord Jesus Christ. No individual is promised tomorrow, and we should live as Christ and our forefathers to proclaim the Gospel of Jesus and to be urgent in our lifestyles just as Christ and the apostles were.

For believers to be at such odds, is saddening, but rest assure that judgement begins in the house of the Lord and if it is difficult for the righteous to be saved, then how difficult will it be for the unbeliever.

My prayer is that believers will wake up. That we will not be distracted by the uproars and upheaval that surrounds us. My prayer is that we will fix our eyes upon the Lord Jesus who was and is to come , and that we will long and yearn to become one with our heavenly Father just as the Lord Jesus.

For those amongst the body who mock and scoff, shame on you. For those who proclaim a certain date, remember that only the Father knows and the Lord Jesus does not even know when He is expected to return.

With that being said, the Lord Jesus does say that we will know the season of which we can expect His return. Notice all the turmoil going around the world, and it is worsening. Notice the economic meltdown of America that awaits us. All of these happenings have been prophesied and know that if we do not repent and return to the heart of the Father it will worsen. Prayer changes God's mind. We see it in stories of the Bible. I hope that each spectrum will stop fooling around and get back to the heart of Christ. May we remember that these arguments and debates just distract us from the heart of God.

For those wallowing in these pointless debates... fix your gaze. Fix it upon the One who desires communion and intimacy with us. Put away all ungodliness and seek ye the heavenly things. Because what we do here does and will echo our eternity.

It is time to unite, body of Christ. Because whether we like it or not, Christ will and soon return. He will purify His bride and He will do whatever it takes to get us in right standing with Him.


May the love of the Lord Jesus cover you.
May He convict us and tune our hearts to the sound and beat of His own.
May our eyes be continually fixed on the One who is jealous for our affections.
But most of all, may we attain righteousness and mercy through His grace.

In Christ Jesus,
Ava

pum pum pum pummm.....

You tell me to wait.... So I do.

You tell me to wait patiently... This part is more than difficult.

I don't want to manage something wasted when it I am certain that it is not Your will.

Yet, I find myself to desiring that path even though I am already told of its destruction, so therefore, I know its consequence.

I wish not to compromise, and yet I am flesh.

I want to stand firm, and yet I feel as though I am sinking...

Sinking into the unknown.

This troubles me.

I am troubled.


Please come quickly Daddy. Deliver this heart from its deep anguish.

Love,
Ava


And ofcourse You remind me even when I am suffering with my itunes on shuffle .. that Christ is my Solid Rock always...all other ground is sinking sand.. I have no one/where else to run to.

no name.

Her love guided each one to the path of righteousness.
One, two, three, four tasted the fruit of peace and purity.
Time passed and one, two, three, and four eventually journeyed on to find another love.
She sits alone and betrayed, yet she continues to drift forward with a heart of clay.

Prayer.

When I pray, I talk to my Father.
When I pray, I seek His face.
When I pray, I hear His voice.
When I pray, I see His heart.



A life of communion with the Father through prayer is what I long for.

It's 5am...

It is now 5am and once again I have become a night owl, and though I enjoy the pleasure of talking with God through the night, I do not, however, get the essential 8 hours science insists on me having.

Now, on to the deep thoughts..

I am realizing how essential prayer is in the Christian life. I am realizing that in order to accurately exercise the gifts that the Holy Spirit has dispersed throughout His body, we must spend time with our Creator and we must must urge our brothers and sisters to do the same so that we may grow together in Christ as well as the gifts He has given us.

God is so good. I am thankful for what has occurred in the past two days. I have seen another friend experience the fullness of God and the baptism of the Holy Spirit. I have seen another sister as well as myself begin to understand the intercessory and prophetic gifting God has assigned and how it plays an integral role of in the body of Christ. I am truly blessed. How rewarding it is to see hearts that become fully surrendered to Father. How beautiful it is to see freedom and liberation come out of the very core of our innermost parts: the spirit man. May we all choose to be yielded vessels for the Father's glory.

What is most interesting, is how God orchestrates things perfectly. I really never thought I would get the chance to share His heart with the audience of the university I attend. I remember speaking with my very good friend and praying that God would make a way. He most certainly has.


I trust in Him. I know that whatever words He chooses for me to say will touch the hearts that attend the service. I must decrease so that the Christ in me may increase. His words bring life to the dead spirit. He resurrects and regenerates the lost spirit and grows flesh on the dead and dry bones of those who do not know Him. Christ is the Redeemer. Christ is the soon returning King and may we anticipate with urgent hearts for His return. I want to be a yielded vessel so that the Kingdom of Jesus Christ may come down here to earth.


Father,
I thank You for making a way. I thank You for being faithful and keeping the promises You made to me long ago. Forgive me for the times I doubted and wavered. Give me Your words tonight. I have not a clue what to say, but I know You do. I pray that You would anoint me and fill me up the very top so that Your words may flow out of the mouth and tongue You have taken. You are good. You are mighty. You are such a loving God and Your faithfulness will always endure. I ask that You would help me keep my gaze upon You always. I ask that You would give me the wisdom and discernment to know the times and to know the difference between Truth and falsehood.
I love You soo much!
In Jesus' name,
Amen

it's 3am...

It is now 3am and I am still pondering the things that have occurred in the past couple of days.
For months I have had dreams of disaster, and yet I still find that I am blown away by what has brought devastation to Japan.
The worst part is, there is more to come. It is promised. We can truly do nothing about it. These things were prophesied long ago.

Through the world's eyes, God is a vicious being who has no love or no concern for people on earth. They scream and mutter, "How can such a loving God bring forth such destruction?"
I hear the cries of these people, even the ones who claim there is no God, and my heart violently weeps for them. I see the disaster and the crushed spirits of those who have watched their loved ones drift into the unknown. I question as well, but through God's eyes I know there is love, justice, and mercy in the midst.

There soon will come a time where there will be perfect peace and there will be justice. God is perfect. He is the I AM. Our sin is like gross feminine rags to Him, and yet He still chose to make a way for us through Jesus.

How much longer will we pursue the desires of the world and ignore the Almighty who is beckoning our hearts towards His? How much longer will we live in denial of the soon returning King and ignore the signs He is giving us???? How long will it be until we choose to fully surrender ourselves to Christ so that we may be made one with the Father. HE IS LOVING. HE IS MERCIFUL. HE IS KIND. HE IS FAITHFUL. and yet we continue to run away from Him. We continue to pursue after this temporal world and the material things in it. We continue to find our satisfaction in people, alcohol, drugs, sex; fame, fortune, fashion; food... You name it... we run to it. When will we fix our gaze completely on the Father? When will we finally say yes to Him and no to this world???

I want to fully surrendered to the Father. I want to be radical for a radical God. He is the CREATOR of the universe.... He can DO as He PLEASES. And yet we limit Him.... We put our fixed theologies and formulas to Him and label it with Jesus when it really isn't Jesus at all. We must let it go... We must come back to the foundations of Jesus Christ... We must learn to be in the garden before the Father just as Jesus was.


I want to know my Father deeply. I want to know His heart. I want to know His voice so that I may not be deceived by the things that are quickly approaching in this world.

Father,
I ask that You would comfort Japan during this awful time. I ask that the Voice who calls the boundaries between the sand and the sea, would speak gently to the hearts of those mourning in Japan and around the world. I ask Father, that people would run to You during this time, and not harden their hearts or be offended by You, Lord. I ask that You would open the eyes of those who are ignoring Your prophecies in America. Forgive us, Lord for our wicked ways. Forgive us, Lord for our wayward hearts. I ask Lord, that You would fix my gaze so that it may be continually upon You and the things of the heavenlies. Purify my heart and my mind. Give me Your words, so that I may pour Truth into the lives of others. I love You, Lord. I praise and lift up Your mighty Name. You are the I AM. There is no other. I thank You for Jesus. I thank You for loving us that much, Father. You are good and You are faithful and You are just. O, merciful Father, shine upon Your people today. Grant us the wisdom and dicernment to know the difference between truth and falsehoods.
I love You, Lord.
I ask all of these things in Jesus' name,
Amen.

May I...

May I walk with You in the garden always.
May I realize that prayer is work and a daily choice.
May I walk as You lead.
May I speak Your words always.
May I walk in the armor You have given me.
May I never tilt to the left or the right.
May my eyes gaze on Your beauty for eternity.


I love You so much Jesus.
You are soo good.
Put Your hand upon my heart.<3

airport... thoughts.. music.

As I sit here surrounded by people from all backgrounds, some sleeping on floors, some staring into space, some attempting to figure out complex equations, I ponder the beauty of how I arrived to this very moment.


Back in August, I was determined to somehow make it to IHOP(prayer not pancakes)...
I told my dear friend Ruth that we had to save and do whatever we had to do to get our tushies over to Kansas City, Missouri.
Though she isn't with me, I am sitting here in the airport waiting to meet Daddy with the answers He has waiting for me in the prayer room.

I have spent much time seeking after the Father and desiring to know Him on a much deeper level. With all of the grey that surrounds me on campus, it is often hard to break through to the level I desire to reach with the Father. I know that all the questions I have had the past couple of months will be answered and I trust that God will show up mightily just as He has promised.


Until then, I will leave you with the lyrics that are stirring in my heart.

I want to know You
I love to know You
Everything else I, count as loss
I want to know You
I love to know You
No matter what, the cost


I love You, Daddy <3

tug... tug.. MAJOR tug

If I refuse to display the charity and love to the ones who are considered my enemies... I am not reaching the level of fullness in Christ.

To live like Christ, is to mimic the choices Christ made in all circumstances while He was here on earth.


The Holy Spirit has been dealing with me heavily on this subject.

If I were to be honest, I would say I am hesitant.

We are always hesitant about things of which require us to leave our comfort zones.

But we are called to reach high standards in Christ. We are part of a high and royal priesthood, therefore we must go as far as we can to be like our Savior, Jesus Christ.


Abba Daddy,
May I admit to You that I do not have the strength to leave my comfort zone in this matter. May I admit to You that I am selfish and I would much rather stay in my comfort zone. I ask that You would give me the power and strength to move forward and break through every worldly tendency that holds me back from You. I ask You to reveal the perfect timing You would have me to do Your will so that it wouldn't be out of any motive other than Your will. Help me to love and be charitable to those who persecute and slander who I am in You. I love You and I praise You for Your faithfulness! You are Almighty God, and I know I can truly do all things through Your Son Jesus! I love You so much and I thank You that you sweetly help me reach all the potential that is given by You alone.
I ask all of these things in Jesus name,
Amen!

Radiant.

This heart is full of rushing rivers and peaceful waterfalls.


I am at peace.


Jesus is beautiful, and His beauty is radiant. He is radiating throughout my vision today.


Thank You, Abba Daddy.

NF.... F....

Oh, how I wish every aspect of my life would not filter through the emotional part of me.

e.p.i.c f.a.i.l

apathy

Apathy is beginning to plague every inch of me.
A lot of unfortunate events have been happening recently.
I try to break through, I try to rekindle the fire that was once inside.
But now-a-days, I am cooped up in my cave and I hide.
I call out for You and still there is no reply.

What must I do to get out of this state of mind?
I have tried and I have tried.

I suppose I should continue to wait,
but I am afraid all of this waiting is
growing a calloused heart that
shall only become hardened more day by day.

prayer is powerful

Jesus is doing mighty things and I am blessed to be apart of His grandeur plan.

I love Him, I serve Him, and I will continually choose to live my life as a sacrifice for His glory alone.


May You shine brighter than the sun on this campus, Father.

Proclaiming versus Professing along with some Inviting/Challenging

My heart has been prompted with so many complexes amongst the church in this day and age.
Since my heart is full of them, I have chosen to blog about the things God has been showing me whether it be directly or through others.
First, I will speak of the things that are tearing and ripping the church away at its very core.

People of the church across the nations are proclaiming Jesus, and devoting their lives to causes and 'good works' instead of Jesus Christ himself.
We are called to be devoted to a Person not a cause. When we are devoted to the Person, He supernaturally enables and places us to the point of which we can change the world.
What does this deadly domino effect do exactly?
It is estimated that only 4% of college students attend church. We are considered the "y' generation, the builders, the ones who come and bring revolution to the church body.
The problematic issue that surrounds us college students is that we are surrounded by compromise within the church. This compromise leads to people being in positions which they have no right according to Scripture to be in, which ultimately leads to corruption. People are proclaiming and not professing the name of Jesus Christ. To proclaim is to merely to use verbal tactics to prove a point. To profess is to live a lifestyle according to the Master. This means we are living the life and not just talking it.

My heart is breaking for the countless individuals I have spoken with in the last couple of weeks.
Comments such as, "It's hard for me to live a life according to Christ when those who are preaching to me are doing the exact things that I do." or "I have had friends that would go and sleep with their boyfriends, get wasted, and get up and go to church the next day, then start the same pattern the next week."


Beloved, we are called to a Person. We are called to identify with the Lord Jesus Christ, the one who transforms and brings us to the Light. We must deal the sins that are causing this lethal demise of the body of Christ. He is calling us to the place to surrender so He can do in us the mighty works He has already foreseen. We are to surrender to the Creator of the universe so He can empower us with His Holy Spirit to accomplish His divine will in us.
We are made for something greater than ourselves, we are made for the One who conquered the grave and desires intimacy with us.

See, Christ desires to invite us into the Kingdom, and He will if we will allow Him to. But see, there is also a challenge awaiting us. It is one of sacrifice, surrender, and complete obedience. The Father knows we can't do it by ourselves, that is why He sent us the Holy Spirit who longs to dwell and consume us. Will we take that challenge? Will we join Christ and profess Him for all of our days. Will we go into our own 'Garden of Gethsemane" and give up our will to the Father so He may use us as He pleases? Beloved, I urge you to take this challenge. He is gently inviting you in with His soft whisper, and MIGHTY heart tug. Say yes to the wondrous invitation of Salvation; of complete surrender.


I will leave you with the one scripture and quote that prompted my heart for this discussion:
1 Corinthians 2:2- "For I am determined not to know anything among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified.

" Our Lord said to Paul, in effect, "Your whole life is to be overpowered or subdued by Me; you are to have no end, no aim, and no purpose but Mine."" -Oswald

persevere, dear.

Just recently, I have had to re-evaluate this life and what my heart has been running towards.

God continues to be gentle with me as He rips the fleshly parts of me that must be put to death.

It hurts. It is painful. It is a very vulnerable state that I pray each believer will reach in their own personal walk with Jesus.

God is a good God, and to be broken for His glory is beyond gracious because He is allowing us to identify with His Son Jesus. WoW.

It is odd how I have learned to become thankful for the most heart-wrenching moments of life. Quite frankly, I know it is in those dark places where I learn the most about God and I am able to testify with others. What a blessing.

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Though I am be broken for the Father's glory and I am also be broken for the lost on my campus. My heart truly aches for those who do not know Christ intimately.

I continue to be misunderstand those around me, I continue to wonder how there can be so much relativity in truth amongst the 'body' of Christ, and people be okay with it?

But what I do know, it that the Holy Spirit is moving, and that this semester will be a semester of great revelation concerning God's absolute Truth.


I know God is faithful and that He hears the cries of His servants.

He never ceases to amaze me.

There are many things I realize I will never comprehend.
Mostly, I realize that the Father's ways are wayy above my ways and yet I know that I am placed exactly where He wants me.
I had a dream that the layers of which held me for so long would slowly peel away to where I could fully worship my Creator once again.
My heart is healing and for this I am thankful.
Layers represent time, but with time comes healing, and with deep wounds comes scars.

Scars help us identify our Savior. It makes me think of how unworthy I am, truly.
We each have trial. We each face opposition of some sort. What is interesting, is most of the time we feel as though we are entitled to a comfortable and easy life. Especially for Christians, and this beloved is simply not the case. Christ has scars.... and He and continues to wear them as He sits at the right hand of the Father interceding for us. He is perfect. Blemish- free. Did not deserve the wrath of God, and yet He took it, and He calls us to be like Him.

He became flesh not only for our sins, but so we could identify.
There is an identity crisis plaguing the world today, and even Christians become caught up in it.

Every individual on the planet has been wounded, whether it be external or internal. The heart of the matter is what do we do with them and what source to we bring them to?

We can choose to bring them to countless things or individuals who will eventually wound us even deeper to where the wound becomes so deep to where there is no cure, or we can bring it the Great Physician who heals all.

This life is a battle, it is a training ground, to whom will we turn?

I have learned that though some things must be thrown into the ocean, that I am still called to love with the wounds I have been given. The healing process and the scars serve as a reminder that as a follower of Jesus I will have to endure things, that I will be wounded, but I know that at the end of this journey there is a Power that enables me to go beyond. WoW.

I want to be like Jesus, I want to be Christ-lIke. I can not do that on my own ability. I am in constant need of the One who molds and makes me like His Son. I am in need of the Trinity, the Almighty, the Magnificent, The Alpha and Omega, The Beginning and The End.

The Romance is beckoning my heart towards His. I am in Love and He is in me. I can only know love truly if I first come to depths of His infinite heart. I desire the One who knows me like no other, no matter the cost, and it must have a cost or else I would not be able to identify with my Savior.