Today.

Today I will rejoice for it is Friday.

I will rejoice because God is good.

I will rejoice because I will be in the arms of my Mama C at 4:30pm

I will rejoice because God deserves all my praise

I will rejoice because this is a going to be a magnificent holiday!! =]

Thank You Lord for Friday! <3

One of those days....

In two days, I will be home with the ones I love.

This past week has been an overwhelming, stressful, and exhausting kind of week.

My heart can only take so much... and today was the breaking point.

I have not been able to cry in awhile... and it has really been bothering me.

I am definitely one who cries constantly so to not be able to cry has not been good for me.

It finally happened.

I wept. As I was in the bathroom weeping my eyeballs out.. I felt better. I have needed to feel better for awhile now because internally I have been struggling. Struggling is not a good thing for me. Usually I can feel God's presence in the midst of the trial, but lately I have not felt Him. I know He is there, and I know that He will never leave me or forsake me. But I really just want to feel Him right beside me.

People know when you are sad, and sometimes they try to make you feel better but they just make it worse. Even though I appreciate the efforts of others, I know that is only God who can heal what I am struggling with internally. I don't even know what is so I know it is only the Holy Spirit who can make it right.

I just need to get away from this hell-hole. I need to gather my thoughts, my sanity, and hug my daddy for a very long time. I need to cry in his arms, and him tell me that it is going to be okay and everything will get better. I feel as though my heart is being ripped apart again, but this time I don't know why. Usually I know why these things are happening , but this time it's different. I know God is up to something, but I can't figure it out.

Father,

Please help me to get through this week. People are wearing thin on my heart, and honestly I would rather be in a cave alone with You. Minister to me through Your Holy Spirit. I need Your peace to surround me and I need to rest in it. Help me to focus on what I need to focus on, but mostly help me keep my eyes set upon You, Daddy. I know You know what You are doing, and You don't need my help. Keep me away from butting in and guide my heart Father. I do not want it to wander places that aren't of You. Please give me that discernment, to KNOW that the paths I am taking are undoubtedly of You. I love You. You are Magnificent, Almighty, the Creator of this universe, and I know You care about my every move. Thank You for loving me unconditionally. You are Awesome.

I love you Daddy and I ask all of these things in Jesus' name,

Amen.

Peace and Blessings be with you always.

-Ava

The Zone.

So lately... I feel as though the script of my life is being written for the Twilight Zone. I can not help but feel all the situations that are playing out are some kind of joke or maybe it is just something beyond my reasoning which probably means God is at work. As odd as it feels, I know that God is in control , and that His promises to me remain.

I know that what-ever is going on it is in the hands of God, but I can't shake this feeling of running away to comfort. I want to run the security that I have ran to for the past three years, but the other half me knows I must face whatever is going on right now. The fleshy side of my wants to eat, be merry, and enjoy Dunn... BUT I know this isn't the life God has called me to.

I have been called to confront the uncomfortable and allow God to use it for His glory. I know that in order to be refined by Him, we must face situations that allow us to cling to Him no matter what.

Daddy,

Help me to rest in Your peace and lean not on my own understanding. I know You are in control and that You love me. You will never let me go, and Your love is an everlasting love I can always trust. Help me to love as You love, and break my heart for what breaks Yours Daddy.

You are awesome and I love you so much!

In Your Son's precious name,

Amen.

Erg.

Make me vulnerable.

Tear me apart. I need to feel.

I need to hurt. I need to be broken.

I need Your presence. I need to care.

I just need to know You are here.

I am desperate. I am barely holding on.

Can You hurry this up, God?

I am so tired of waiting. Impatience is settling deep.

I sound so selfish, and I admit that I am.

I am in need of my Saviour, the One who delivers me with His plan.

Stubborn

This past weekend I went with Campus Outreach to Winter Blast.

I really didn't want to go at first, but it was either go or stay in my dorm room feeling sorry for myself about some situations I am currently facing. I went. It was great. I laughed. I cried. I rejoiced with those who are now apart of the family in Christ, but most importantly I have come to the realization of how stubborn I can be.

Growing up in a pentecostal church I had always listened to the Holy Spirit being preached. Not that this is at all a wrong thing, but I grew up with the mind set that it must be preached at this depth everywhere.

This past weekend, I came to realize that people who don't necessarily preach the Holy Spirit in the depth that I am used to, have the same heart for God as I do. It is humbling to see that though things are not taught exactly the same, the mission of my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ does remain alike. Our mission is to share the Gospel of Christ, and show it through our love and compassion.

I was so convicted by this truth and if we would all open up our hearts and put behind the political and theological arguments of Christianity, I believe that the Bride of Christ would unite so much more hastily than ever before.

My hope and prayer is that God will bring all brothers and sisters in Christ back to the basics; back to the Cross. For it is at the Cross, the death and resurrection of Christ, where lives are changed, transformed, and where the Holy Spirit can manifest in each individual heart.

Daddy,

Though you have allowed me to experience many miracles and wonders that are done for Your glory, I pray that You will make me humble and allow me to always look up to your Son in adoration for what He did for me on the cross. I am so undeserving, and it is only by Your Son that I can stand redeemed and whole. Thank You so much for Your Love Daddy. I am so in awe of the things You continually do to make things right and perfect. May I continue to surrender all that I am to You, and not hold back from loving any person on this Earth. You are Awesome, Almighty, Merciful, and I thank You so much for being my Father.

In Your Son's precious name,

Amen

Suffering.

“For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake.” Philippians 1:29

May I live for You, no matter what the cost. May I not be afraid to love until it hurts.

Discernment

So... God has been doing some pretty big things recently, and while I am thankful for these things I am also having to pray for discernment and direction in the next few steps I should take.

Emotions are neither a good or bad trait to have, but sometimes can be a hindrance between flesh and spirit. We often think that things are of God, and sometimes they can be, but the soul-ish , fleshy realm is where the emotions become entangled with the Spirit which causes chaos.

Since God is a God of peace, and not of chaos; we must learn to discern what is of His Holy Spirit and what is merely emotion.

Some situations in my life have quickly resurfaced, and the Lord knows I have been in so much prayer; offering up these situations to Him.

It is our emotions that often lead us to react, and it is the Holy Spirit who leads us to meditate and wait on what He would have us do.

All of my life, in every season, I must offer up all of my emotions to Him so I may KNOW without a shadow of doubt what is of God and what is merely my flesh.

Teach me good judgment, wise and right discernment, and knowledge, for I have believed (trusted, relied on, and clung to) Your commandments.

-Psalm 119:66

Abba-Daddy,

I ask that You would give me discernment in every aspect of my life. I ask that You would reveal to me what is of Your Holy Spirit and what is merely fleshly emotion. I need You in every season of my life, especially when questions come about those things that are resurfacing. Test me, prove me, refine me, like Your precious gold dear Daddy. I want to be blameless before you in every part of my life. I am nothing without You. Renew my mind, give me a pure heart, and let it not deceive or lead me astray O, Lord. You are Alpha, You are Omega. You are the Beginning. You are the End. There is no other name above Your name.

-You are summoning our nation to proclaim Your truth more than ever. Let us be a bold generation, a generation that is not afraid to proclaim Christ as Son of the Living God. Help us Lord, forgive us our sin, and please have mercy on us.

I love you Daddy, and I thank You for everything You are.

In Jesus' name.

Amen

Peace and Blessings! =)

Reconilation = happiness.

I love how God answers prayers.

I REALLY love how God uses specific things, people, people, words, etc to answer prayers.

I REALLY, REALLY love how God has reconciled things that needed to be reconciled in my life and that He did it so much more perfectly then I could have ever dreamed of.

God is good all the time, and I look forward to seeing what this new season brings.

Reflection on or of God?

As I reflect on these past few months, I can say I have gone through a living hell, and I am ironically thankful for it.

As odd as that statement seems, I find myself looking to God every second of my life. A heart of constant prayer, a mind that is continually on Christ, that is what leads to perseverance; that is what leads us to the heart of God.

Addition to that I have been praying on what my mission statement should be in life; it kinda just hit me.

In everything I do, I want it to be for the glory of God, and I want to be a reflection of Him instead of on Him.

God desires 100% of our lives, and if we are not giving that to Him, we are cheating on Him. We should never cheat on the One we love most.

Do the decisions we make give Him a bad rep or a good rep? That should be a daily question in our lives. In what-ever I do, in every decision I make, I will make it a habit to go back to the mission statement that has been given for my life.

If it is not in alignment with it, then I must pray and discern what God would have me do.

A life fully surrendered to Him will be a reflection of Him instead of on Him.

Truth

It's amazing how God's promises bring new revelation in various circumstances.

He never ceases to amaze me.

His love is amazing and I am so humbled that His love abides in me.

We are so undeserving.