One of those days....

In two days, I will be home with the ones I love.

This past week has been an overwhelming, stressful, and exhausting kind of week.

My heart can only take so much... and today was the breaking point.

I have not been able to cry in awhile... and it has really been bothering me.

I am definitely one who cries constantly so to not be able to cry has not been good for me.

It finally happened.

I wept. As I was in the bathroom weeping my eyeballs out.. I felt better. I have needed to feel better for awhile now because internally I have been struggling. Struggling is not a good thing for me. Usually I can feel God's presence in the midst of the trial, but lately I have not felt Him. I know He is there, and I know that He will never leave me or forsake me. But I really just want to feel Him right beside me.

People know when you are sad, and sometimes they try to make you feel better but they just make it worse. Even though I appreciate the efforts of others, I know that is only God who can heal what I am struggling with internally. I don't even know what is so I know it is only the Holy Spirit who can make it right.

I just need to get away from this hell-hole. I need to gather my thoughts, my sanity, and hug my daddy for a very long time. I need to cry in his arms, and him tell me that it is going to be okay and everything will get better. I feel as though my heart is being ripped apart again, but this time I don't know why. Usually I know why these things are happening , but this time it's different. I know God is up to something, but I can't figure it out.

Father,

Please help me to get through this week. People are wearing thin on my heart, and honestly I would rather be in a cave alone with You. Minister to me through Your Holy Spirit. I need Your peace to surround me and I need to rest in it. Help me to focus on what I need to focus on, but mostly help me keep my eyes set upon You, Daddy. I know You know what You are doing, and You don't need my help. Keep me away from butting in and guide my heart Father. I do not want it to wander places that aren't of You. Please give me that discernment, to KNOW that the paths I am taking are undoubtedly of You. I love You. You are Magnificent, Almighty, the Creator of this universe, and I know You care about my every move. Thank You for loving me unconditionally. You are Awesome.

I love you Daddy and I ask all of these things in Jesus' name,

Amen.

Peace and Blessings be with you always.

-Ava