don't....

I am struggling. I'm torn. I'm broken. I haven't had a decent nights rest since returning to Steamboat.


I don't understand God. His ways are wayy above our ways. I don't understand why He chooses the paths He chooses for His servants.. or why things happen the way they do.


My heart is screaming for new things.. for new depth... for a new journey.

This desert season is weighing in heavily on me, but I am hanging on and trusting that though sometimes we must go through the dark valley... we eventually climb the hill where there is Light. Or understanding... Or clarity..Something reassuring us that God is there.


I feel as though as I have been on a sickening roller coaster ride... the ones that really want to make you puke.

My heart is pulled in so many directions at this point. I'm not ready to return to school. I want to stay in Steamboat, but the other half of me wants to be in Dunn. I want to ultimately do the Father's will, but am not exactly sure what that is right now.


I know in my mind and heart that through the desert, through the times of wondering where in the world God is, He is there. And though many obstacles await, He promises to never leave us or forsake me. He promises to go before me and to fight my battles when I longer have the strength to go on.God is never one to change though my heart and mind is constantly waivering.

I know these things all too well for He has been with me through the darkest times. I have felt His peace surround me heavily in the midst of chaos. I know He is faithful even when I can't feel Him there. And when I am about to give up or when I have had enough.. He shows up because He is God and He is faithful.


Daddy,
Forgive me. I do not deserve Your love. Thank you for loving me in the midst of my uncertainty. I ask Father that You would direct my footsteps and take all of me so that I may glorify You in all that I do. Help me to understand the things I cannot change, and help me love those that I have a hard time loving. I need You. I can not run this race without You. I ask for a hedge of protection as I enter into campus of Wingate. I know You are faithful and that You will give me the strength and wisdom to endure. I ask Daddy that You would show me the ways I can serve my campus and spread the Your Love to everyone that I cross paths with.
I thank You so much for hearing my heart's cry and that You remain faithful at all times. I love You.
I ask all of these things in Your Son's most precious Name,

Amen